Monday, June 27, 2011

Swimming with Sharks 101

After some hard core researching I've narrowed it down to three main points when swimming with sharks.
1. First and most importantly wear a bathing suit.

You know how one dresses up for a job interview? Well its the same concept. You need to show the sharks you are their on business no dilly dallying allowed.

So my advice to you is do not wear that Itsy bitsy teenie weenie Red polka dot bikini. It will just look like you are covered in blood and screaming dessert! Actually you wont really be completely covered in blood since it is a teenie weenie bikini, but you will look very yummy in the red. Wear something a little more professional. Like a itsy bitsy teenie weenie Black polka dot bikini.

Which brings me to my next point.
2. Do NOT bleed.
You cant be a wimp. Swimming with sharks is serious business so you have to be tough.
This will not do.

Swimming with sharks is not for the faint of heart, also for the people that cannot control their bleeding.
Thats right CONTROL your bleeding.
You are swimming with sharks and BAM an anchor falls on top of you and rips your arm off, if you do not control your bleeding you are dead meat. But if you do you are good to go. Just make sure you cover your arm with a environmentally friendly bag like the ones they sale at Walmart and not a plastic bag. We don't want to destroy the environment now do we.

Which bring me to my last point.
3. If all else fails punch the shark in the nose. 
I suggest to get some blue punching gloves that way the shark will not know what hit him.
When you are down there swimming with the sharks and the shark starts to get ideas with you put a stop to it immediately with a sharp blow to the nose. That will put him in his place, and let you swim along in peace.

You just cant show you are afraid of them. You got to stand your ground, be tough.

So in conclusion you got to be properly attired, be able to control your bodily fluids, and have one heck of a right hook.

The End.